If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
