saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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