I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
