Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
