you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
