Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
