New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
