I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
