If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am available for nakedness
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
