So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
