she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
