Your face is a jimmy john
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
