I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
