You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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