Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
