my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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