I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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