mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
