Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
