That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
