everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My pussy is not your playground.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
