he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
