Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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