I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Be still, my beating vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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