i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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