new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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