Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
