My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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