he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
