I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
