Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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