I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
