I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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