How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
