then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
