Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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