A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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