I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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