I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
