I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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