Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i now understand why vodka
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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