Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
