Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You smell like stripper and shame
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
