hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
