batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
