It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
