how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
