You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
