Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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