Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
