i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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