around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
