remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
