just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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