I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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