Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
