you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
